Just fell off a train. Bad.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
She needs sedatives and a leash
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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