They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
