If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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