If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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