i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
