Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize