That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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