Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
