youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
