omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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