Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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