So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize