I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
