wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
