how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
