the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize