dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
