The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
