??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
