And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
