they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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