I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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