Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize