the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
