She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
