i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
