i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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