in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
