The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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