marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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