i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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