remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
