So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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