I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
