i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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