I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I don't think brook has ever known best
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
