but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
