I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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