Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
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