I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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