Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You dont lie about slip and slides
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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