i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
