My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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