census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
