Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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