I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
