remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize
