I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
