That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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