hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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