i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
