we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
