I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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