We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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