cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
