so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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