hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
