y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My breasts were aching with rage.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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