I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
