I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
