dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
