I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
