I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
