i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
