I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I AM VODKA MAN
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
