Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
