bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
