mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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