My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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