You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
