I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
