Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
