After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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