gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
